You go to bed, I'll guard the door.

With a title like "annals of nursing" it is my duty to share the less glamorous parts of the beginnings of the profession: NCLEX preparation and multiple choice exams.

I will dedicate the next week of my life to studying for - and hopefully to passing - the nursing licensing boards.

I have been, however, less than impressed with the practice questions and study guides, especially regarding cultural competencies. Here is an example question:

A European American (comment: what? a French-American? A Caucasian? An Italian-American?) has just been admitted to your floor and needs a dinner tray ordered. The physician has ordered a "regular diet." Which menu will you chose?

a. raw fish and rice (comment: when was the last time you saw raw fish on the menu in a hospital? perhaps 1918, when oysters were the item of choice)
b. maize and beans (comment: by maize, you mean corn?)
c. steak and potatoes
d. salad, diet cola, low-cal dressing

Yes my friends, the answer they were looking for was, sadly, "c." Leaving out all of us "European Americans" who prefer sushi, salad and even maize, to steak and potatoes.

This question is rivaled by one I encountered while in my “Psychiatric Nursing Practice” class at Columbia. The question was something to the effect of:

You find your client cowering in the corner of his room in an in-patient psych ward. He states that “you’d better be careful. Alien invaders are marching through that door. They want to plant computer chips in our brains. I need to stay here to make sure this floor is safe.” The appropriate response is.

1. You are hallucinating. There are no aliens
2. You go back to bed and rest. I’ll guard the door for a while to protect us.
3. No wonder you’re on a psych floor…
4. Tell me more about what you’re seeing.
   
   Way to go NCLEX.